Don’t encourage him to say what he thinks or needs. Because you will have to listen to him and take him into account. And you will be driven to create alliances with him, instead of coming to his aid “you have to obey me because I am your father. Because I’m your mother.”
Do not teach him to put a name to what he feels, because he will discover that pain has nuances, and that having emotions is not for the weak, but for the brave.
Don’t want to understand his point of view, his reality as a child, nor validate how he deals with conflicts or difficulties because he will learn to become stronger.
Do not teach him to share, because he will stop competing, wanting to be better than others, fighting to stand out and to earn your love as a child.
Reward him with your love when he listens to you. Punish him with silences when he is not as you want him to be.
Don’t show him what he’s good at or encourage his talents.
Do not feed his desire to learn, because then, it may be that passion will lead him to deviate from the path marked out, from what is expected of him, from what society decrees.
Do not tell him that it is okay to feel sad, or nervous, or overwhelmed. Or that he can also cry and be wrong.
Don’t let him know that you will love him as he is. That you accept him and that you support him with all his edges and nuances. Because then what power will you have over him?
Do not teach him to wake up, to create his life path with curiosity and courage. Do not think to help him identify his fears, or help him accept, challenge or overcome them. That may unleash and remove your fears.
Don’t repeat that he is unique. That he can achieve anything he sets his mind to. That he has the right to be happy and to create a life according to his values, talents and aspirations. What is it about having aspirations? Your child will do what you think is best for him or her!
Do not encourage him or her to be self-aware and self-managing. Independent or have self-esteem. Otherwise he or she will grow up strong, happy and secure and then what will he or she need you for?
Don’t encourage him to try new things, to get out of the house, to experience life beyond your hugs and your caring gaze. Because he may not come back one day.
Don’t teach him to fly. Reinvent himself. To seek his truth. Because you’ll have to reinvent yourself too. Beyond educating children, caring for them and loving them, being a father or a mother you will have to look at yourself and ask yourself if you are happy and if you are living the life you want for yourself.
If you teach your child emotional education, he or she will grow up confident, assertive, vulnerable, sensitive, empathetic, and open to reason, flexible, collaborative, with the ability to manage his or her emotions and challenge his or her fears. He will know his talents and his path. He will be an independent adult, with healthy relationships and will aspire to have a full and happy life.
Do you really want that for your child?
